My name is Taylor Ellwood. Some of you may know through my spiritual work in the Pagan community. I’ve started the Men’s Mystery Substack because I wanted to create a separate space for the ongoing work I am doing around men’s work as well as explore the spiritual mysteries of men’s work. This work is very important to me and I want to share why.
A little over two years ago, I went through a harsh breakup. It ended up being a blessing that helped me recognize that I didn’t know myself as a person or a man. I got into men’s work as a result. Initially I read books such as Iron John by Robert Bly and Warrior, Magician, Lover, King by Roger Moore and Douglas Gillette. These books provided some insights into masculinity, but I also felt like there was something missing.
In my book Quest For Mature Masculinity I share the following:
I wanted to become my own man, but I didn’t even know what that meant or how to claim my identity as a man in a healthy way. I didn’t just have baggage around my dad, but also my step mom, brother and the rest of my family that also contributed to my unhealthy narratives around my own masculinity. I finally realized I had to face all my familial and cultural trauma and expectations around being a man. I had to create my own definition of masculinity.
Creating my own definition of masculinity wasn’t a simple matter of writing down the word masculinity and then defining it using my own words. Creating my definition of men’s work meant that I had to go even deeper into what was already available and then decide what actually fit me. I continued reading books, which helped, but I needed something more.
I found it in December 2022, when I got involved with The Mankind Project. I took a few classes and went through the New Warrior Training Adventure in March 2023. That experience and sitting in circle with other men gave my first real experience of being around other men and feeling safe because those men were doing their inner work. I also felt, for the first time in my life, that I was not alone.
I had always felt alone. I had white knuckled my way through life, and had kept the typical stoic mask of masculinity that so many men have been taught to maintain to our own detriment. When I sat in circle with other men and realized they had similar experiences it helped me let go of that mask. I was freer to truly authentically connect with myself and allow other people to see me.
At the same time, I also came to a deeper realization of how men in general are held captive by performative ideas of what masculinity is, both through patriarchal and societal values that enforce rigid codes of what it means to be a man. I had felt these pressures all my life and calling them out was transformative because it enabled me to ask whether or not I really wanted to continue adhering to these standards that didn’t seem to serve me or anyone else.
Since 2023 I have continued to show up for men’s work, both in circles of men and in attending events where I either staffed or participated in the event and what I continually discover is that when men are allowed to take off the societal mask that keeps them trapped, they begin to discover the inner wildness they have been missing and with it the deeper spiritual mysteries can be found within that wildness. Some call these spiritual mysteries the divine or sacred masculine, but I prefer the mature masculine, because we’re not trying to be new age gurus. What we’re trying to do is connect with the deeper spiritual truths of being a spirit that is having a human experience through particular perspectives that can be both limiting and enlightening.
This substack is one part of how I explore these topics and I hope that you’ll come with me on this particular journey and see where it takes you.
If you’re a man and you want help on your journey to becoming a better and safer man, check out my free book The Men’s Work and if you’re a woman who knows a man who is struggling, please consider sharing this article with him.
Upcoming Events
The first ever 14 day Mature Masculinity challenge is starting on October 7th. Get ready to stretch yourself physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually on your journey to becoming a more embodied and grounded man.