What are you avoiding?
And how to use Anxiety to figure it out
What are you avoiding?
What’s in your life, work, or relationship that you don’t want to look at?
Avoidant behavior is one of the biggest struggles/challenges anxious men face, but the way men handle anxiety doesn’t fit what you’d expect…
Brothers, if you’re looking for more connection, intimacy and depth in your life, you’re in the right place. At The Men’s Mysteries, I show you how to transform your life from one of disconnection to one of connection. To get more articles like this…
Common Ways Men Respond to Anxiety:
1. Suppression and Denial - Instead of naming or admitting they’re anxious, many men push it down or pretend it doesn’t exist. This is often driven by the belief that “real men” should be stoic or in control at all times. They won’t show emotion or share what’s going on until it boils over in a display of dysregulation.
2. Physical Symptoms Over Emotional Expression - Rather than saying “I feel anxious,” men are more likely to report:
Chest tightness
Jaw clenching
Headaches or muscle tension
Stomach issues
Racing heart
or express experiences of being tired.
These are physical manifestations of unacknowledged emotional stress. They have an impact on the overall health of the man because the emotions aren’t being properly expressed and the situations aren’t being addressed.
3. Anger and Irritability - Anxiety often leaks out as frustration, anger, or impatience. Since anger is a more socially “acceptable” male emotion, it becomes a mask for deeper fear or uncertainty. What the man is really feeling is anxiety, but he’s expressing it in a way that seems “safe”, even though it comes out sideways in the interactions the man has with the people in his life and also toward himself.
Sometimes men direct their anxiety inward and punish themselves with their anger, as well as the deeper emotions of fear and shame that haven’t properly expressed. More often than not men direct their emotions inward because it seems like the only safe place they can feel their emotions, but at the same time it reinforces the anxiety they’re feeling because those emotions aren’t getting expressed.
It also leads to…
4. Withdrawal and Isolation - Men retreat from friends, family, or partners when anxiety builds. Silence and avoidance often feel safer than vulnerability, especially when emotional fluency isn’t taught.
Men feel anxiety at the thought of speaking to their needs and desires, because they’re exposing themselves to potential rejection. It seems easier to just withdraw and reject themselves.
5. Overcompensation - To avoid feeling anxious, men might:
Work excessively (to stay distracted or feel “in control”) - workaholics often feel an experience of control because they are getting something done. However this also creates more pressure and enhances the anxiety instead of dispelling it.
Hit the gym compulsively - Working out excessively can be a way of trying to express the anxiety somatically, but it doesn’t address the underlying issues that cause the anxiety.
Seek achievements to prove worth - This can create a fragile identity built on performance rather than inner calm, but when that performance fails it brings up all the anxiety that was being pushed down.
6. Addictive or Risky Behaviors - Unprocessed anxiety can lead to numbing behaviors and addictions such as:
Alcohol or drug use
Porn or sex addiction
Overeating
Gaming or screen addiction
These are short-term coping tools that avoid the root of the issue. In the moment, they may help you numb yourself, but they aren’t actually helping you deal with the anxiety. They mask your anxiety, until it rears up and throws you into a spiral.
Which of these symptoms of anxiety show up in your life?
Is Anxiety Running your Life?
It doesn’t have to. You can turn your anxiety into action.
In today’s article, we’ll go over a specific technique you can use to help you recognize anxiety and transform it into action. And at the end of this article, I've got some exciting news about upcoming class, From Chaos to Clarity.
The Conversations I’m not having Exercise
Anxiety, in part, is rooted in trying to keep yourself safe. The irony of that statement is that if you ARE feeling anxious, you AREN’T feeling safe!
The following exercise can help you get clear on the conversations you aren’t having in your life. This is a useful tool for understanding how you are silencing and isolating yourself.
In your journal write down the following sentence stem: The conversation I’m not having today is…
This could be a conversation you aren’t having with your girlfriend/wife, a friend, a co-worker, your manager or someone else.
Write out who you aren’t having the conversation with, and what the conversation is about.
What is it costing you to not have that conversation?
Write out the cost to you, as a person, relationally, and however else it impacts your life. What is the cost?
The point of this exercise is to help you recognize the conversations you aren’t having, why you aren’t having them and what it costs you. This exercise may feel like an edge, but it offers you the opportunity to put the conversations you aren’t having into words.
It also teaches you how to use anxiety to connect with that you’re avoiding. What we avoid becomes larger than life until we confront it and acknowledge it, and find a way to express it.
Now, if you want more techniques and strategies like what I’ve shared about (so you can get transform your anxiety into action), I’ve got something for you…
In From Clarity to Chaos, you will learn:
How to identify your experiences of anxiety
What anxiety is signaling to you and how to listen
How to regulate anxiety through somatic process
How to transform your anxiety into confidence.
There are 12 seats available for the workshop.
It’s happening on July 10th at 5pm PST and the investment is $47.
If you’re ready to translate your anxiety into action and call forth the confident, embodied man with in you,