Why Anxious Men Try to “Fix” Everything (and Why It’s Hurting Your Relationships)
If you’re an anxious man, your first instinct in conflict or emotional moments is probably to solve the problem.
You think:
“If I fix this fast, everything will be okay.”
“If she’s upset, it must be because of me.”
“If I can figure it out, she won’t leave.”
But here’s the hard truth:
You’re not solving a problem. You’re soothing your own anxiety.
That compulsion to fix isn’t leadership. It’s codependency dressed up as helpfulness. You’ve made her emotions about you instead of connecting with her.
When she comes to you with a problem, what she’s really doing is making a bid for connection. She doesn’t need you to fix the problem or make everything better.
When you try to fix her problem what you’ve done is turned her sadness, frustration, or overwhelm into your personal emergency. You don’t know how to sit in discomfort without trying to control that discomfort and the perceived source of discomfort.
But here’s what she really needed:
🧍♂️ Presence, not solutions.
🫂 Validation, not logic.
❤️ A grounded man, not a fixer.
When you rush to solve the problem, you send a message:
“Your emotions are too much. I need to control this before I fall apart.”
What she really needs is this:
“I’m here. I can handle this. You don’t need to be fixed. You’re safe.”
When you stop over-identifying with every emotion around you…
When you stop making her pain your fault…
When you breathe and ground into your body…
You tame your anxiety and show up as a sovereign man: one who brings calm to the storm, not more chaos.
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Want to break this pattern?
Start with this practice: The next time someone shares something emotional, resist the urge to fix it.
Take a deep breath in through your nose and hold for 4 breaths. Then exhale and breathe out for 6.
Then listen and reflect back what she is sharing. Be the mirror, without having to be the solution.
That’s the medicine.
Ready to Stop Fixing and Start Leading with Presence?
If you’re done overthinking, overgiving, and over-identifying with everyone else’s emotions…
If you’re ready to be seen, supported, and challenged by other men who are doing the real work…
Then it’s time to step into the Grounded Brotherhood.
The next cohort starts September 2nd. This is a men’s group for anxious men who want to stop performing, start trusting themselves, and know they aren’t alone on this journey to become sovereign, embodied men.
We don’t fix each other.
We witness, challenge, and hold each other accountable.
We practice presence instead of performance.
Your seat in the circle is waiting.
Step in with us.
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